The process of Surrendering the womb

How does someone show they care about something when they don't have physical stock in what they care about? Say you live in downtown NYC and love gardening. Chances are you don't have a huge garden, so how can we really KNOW you enjoy growing flowers?

We live is such a fast moving culture and sadly assumptions are made in seconds. Shopping in a grocery store one can look in carts and in seconds assume we have totally figured out another's life. By the car one drives, the clothes one wears, the tone of voice used speaking to a child, even fingernails... Yes, it is easy to make assumptions about all things! So, I imagine that many of you could make assumptions about me.

As you know from a previous post, Brandon and I were married in December of 2004. You may have also gathered from my profile that since I don't mention being a mom and since I work as a nanny that we don't have children. That would be a correct assumption. We have no children. Many people assume that we are choosing not to have children. Many people even tell us it is wise not to have children while Brandon is in seminary. Well, our lack of children is actually not our choice. Oh how I long to be a mommy! I long to teach the things I am endlessly teaching to the dear boys I nanny to our children! You see a few short months after we were married Brandon and I decided that we needed to surrender another area to the Lord. Together we tore off the birth control patch I was wearing and stuck it in Brandon's prayer journal. At first, there was a bit of fear in this surrender. We were doing some calculations about the number of children possible and knowing that it could be over 20 I was nervous, but God calmed every fear and grew my heart more and more for a large family. I began to realize His deep love for children and honestly felt horrible that for 4 months we had prevented that from being possible. Well, a few months went by... a year went by and our arms were empty... two years... three years... Our house continues to be the same quiet environment it was when we were first married. Yes, we KNOW God has called us to be parents, but we will not be able to start the home study process of adoption until Brandon finishes seminary in a year and has a full-time job. As you might be aware, the adoption process can be a bit (hmmm... is that an understatement) long so we are looking at a few years before an adopted child can be placed into our arms. As we wait we trust that God knows if my womb will open and that God knows how each child will enter our family. We are excited to watch our family grow in God's perfect way and time!