Sunday, May 12, 2013

A view from the other side

*Note T decided to chew on the plug for our good computer.  She got it wet enough to break it so we have ordered another one.  This means no photos updates for a while... sigh.

*Note part 2 This post starts off a little deeper and darker than most of my posts, but it ends with comedy when I give an account of my Mother's Day 2013.

Today is Mother's Day.  This is the day I DREADED every year while we battled infertility.  I would mope around the house.  I wouldn't touch a computer or turn on TV lest I be reminded of the day.  I couldn't bear going to church and as the years passed I began requesting that Brandon stay home with me as well.  I will never forget driving home from a long car trip on Mother's Day 2008 listening to Casting Crown's song "Praise You In The Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth



Every time I hear this song I am taken right back to those hard days.  I think this was the ONLY song I listened to for about 2 months that Spring. I had a daily commute of 25 minutes each way and this is seriously it.  I just kept repeating it. I felt like the whole world was pregnant and I had been left behind.  I needed to hear this song over and over to truly believe the words it contained.  It so so powerful to be honest with God, to wish that He would have stepped in and saved the day. My heart was so torn. I treasured the fact that He held all of my tears so perfectly.  He was (and is) my Help!

Brandon and I will never forget that season of waiting and longing.  I know today there are many women who didn't go to church, who didn't go on Facebook, who cried and longed and ended the day empty.  I was there.  It is so hard.  Dear readers, if Mother's Day was a horrible day for you, I pray that the words of the song above can minister to you in some way as they did to me (and still do).  I also pray that you have incredible moms or mom figures in your life that you can honor on this day.

During that season of sadness and longing I had this view of Mother's Day.  A day of great joy and relaxation and sweet children and kisses and cuddles and awe in God for the miracle of children.  

I am now experiencing Mother's Day from a different view.  The view of a mother and an adoptive mother.

I am a mom!  Thank you Lord for bearing with me as I cried out to you all those years.  Thank you for giving me two precious gifts that are more incredible than any plans I could have made.  Thank you for showing us PLAN A for our family growth and giving us a deep passion for adoption.  M and T are incredible and to think that I have the honor of parenting them is humbling.

I am an adoptive mom!  It is no secret to anyone that has met me and my sweet family that my babies met me in exotic places.  My children have birth moms.  Mother's Day has an added dimension when you consider the women who gave birth to my children.  Two brave women chose LIFE for my children.  Much can be said about birth moms or first moms or tummy mommies, but I know I am thankful for M and T's because without them, I would not be a mom.

Much emotion leading up to this day.  On top of it all T's dedication was today. So here is a little story of our last 24ish hours to keep it real and give you a smile.

The story starts last night...
(6:45) Brandon was downstairs with T while I was giving M a bath.  He came up to tell me that T had scratched him in the eye.  At first I didn't think too much about it, because he was not reacting as badly as he did on Christmas Eve 2011.
After M's bath (7:30) M and I got into the car to get Brandon an eye patch since he lent out the last patch.  Brandon attempted to get T to sleep.  After stopping at the closest place that was already closed for the night and a grocery store with no success we headed home.  I got M to sleep and Brandon was still battling T who has been having a horrible time falling asleep.
(8:45) I head to the SuperCenter because they have everything, right?  Yes, they did have an eye patch.  They also had almost no cashiers open and long lines filled with men and boys buying last minute gifts for their moms. 
(9:13) Home with the patch and a treat for my husband who had finally gotten T to sleep 3 minutes earlier.  Poor guy still had much work to do for Sunday.
(10:50) We are praying together and M wakes up.  Trip to the bathroom and rock back to sleep.
(11:05) Say goodnight to Brandon.
(1:00ish I can't remember the exact time) Brandon hands me T.  She is wide awake.  T and I have major girl time.  I pretend to sleep.  She pretends it is day time.  We play this for hours.
(3:47) I look at the clock and see this time as I finally lay her in the crib asleep.

So the day started off a little rough.  Overall it was an OK day.  It was a hard and crazy morning, but we made it.  Poor Brandon was in pain all day.  T and M both wanted me at bedtime.  There was much whining abounding.  We had tasty steaks for dinner and the kids and Brandon made me the greatest card ever!  My day was not filled with chocolate and bubble baths and perfect kiddos, but it was lovely because I got to spend it with lovely people.

This season of small children is something I SO LONGED FOR... and it is not easy.  I longed for something Hard. But... most things in life that are amazing are also hard at times.

Tonight as I stare at the computer screen way to tired to try to write anything that makes sense I feel incredible blessed.  I have an awesome mom, two wonderful grandmas, a great mother in law, and 2 kiddos home with me.

Oh Lord I praised you in the storm of longing and now I praise you in the daily storms of mommyhood.  Thank you for being a God who never changes! Thank you for M and T!

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