Intensive EMDR... The before post!

 Our family is heading to Colorado Springs very soon.  While we are excited about it for many reasons, this isn't exactly a vacation.  We are heading to CO to go to daily EMDR therapy with Dr. Tinker.  We scheduled this visit so many months ago and can't believe the time is finally here!

It has been a LONG time since I have given an update on our four year old son M (OK he would say 4.5 and almost 5) and his therapy/trauma stuff.

Over four months ago I wrote this post HERE about how M was doing.  I wish I could say that all that "stuff" went away, but sadly we are still in the same place of survival that we were 4 months ago and months before that as well.  Trauma is HARD!  Our bodies don't forget the pain of the past. 

I could write much about all of this, but tonight I write about Hope!  We have been given a nugget of hope and we are going to go for it!  I almost feel like we are embarking on another adoption journey.  We flew around the world twice to bring M home from ET (two trips).  Now we drive across country to seek healing for our sweet son.

So what is EMDR?  Well, you can read all about it HERE but some of you won't so I will attempt to explain it a little bit.  It stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. 

I have read much about it, but here is my Shelly version of it.  This is not scientific.  Since this is the "before" post, I might come to you with a very different view of all of this in the "after" post.

We all know what REM sleep is, right?  Rapid Eye Movement. 
Well, did you know that you usually can't recall most of what you dream about? 
Did you know that our brains pretty much process the events of the day every night while we sleep?  Did you know that nightmares happen when our processing gets "stuck?" 
Well, as you might have noted both things I have talked about have an "EM" in them.  EMDR is sort of like dream processing when you are awake.  Dr. Tinker will help our son process all the "stuck" parts in his brain. 
It is NOT hypnosis.  You never leave an alert state.  We are not sure if M will do eye movement or if he will respond better to tapping.
Through a series of eye movements or taps Dr. Tinker will help M work through some trauma stuff in his past and then reprocess it to remove the trauma. 

How does it work?  It sounds a little fishy, right?  Well, it  does work, over 80% of the time actually.  M operates in trauma mode most of the time. In his brain, he is being abandoned every day.  In his brain, he will not have enough food to eat.  In his brain, when I care for sister it means he will die and he must fight (literally) for attention to live. His actions are simply reactions to the trauma he wears.  By removing the trauma images and reprocessing his brain with healthy thoughts/images he can receive healing.  This healing is especially effective for those who have had one incident of trauma (natural or man created disaster/horrific event) or those who have had trauma in a season as adults (like veteran coming home from a war zone or even decades later.) M's trauma is not only hugely complex, it is also preverbal trauma.  I am choosing not to focus on the high percentage of success, but on the hope that we will find some success in some areas.  Again, please read the website for more of the specifics of EMDR.  It is very helpful.

Why go all the way to CO?  Yes, it is a long ways to travel... 34 driving hours round trip with 2 kids who don't like the car sounds horrible... right?  Can't we just go somewhere local?  Well, we could.  Honestly, we did.  We tried one office in state, but we only lasted one visit.  We could tell their methods did not line up with ours so we decided not to take a chance with our precious son.  Instead we sought wisdom from our parenting coach.  Yep, we have a skype parenting coach and she is incredible and will even do sessions after the kiddos are asleep which is perfect. I digress (always :) ) Anyway, she suggested just going to "the best" and we thought about it and prayed about it and decided to go for it.  Dr. Tinker literally "wrote the book" on Children's EMDR.  He is a leader in his field and has worked with kids associated with many major shootings and attacks in our country in my lifetime. Our son is worth the best and so we are making it happen! 

What about sweet little sister T?  Well, "family sticks together" so we are all doing this adventure together.  Brandon's parents are meeting us in CO so they can care for T during M's sessions. What an amazing blessing!  It has become obvious to us that T has much trauma as well, hugely because she takes A LOT from big brother very often.  We decided to have T go to therapy for two days as well. 

So is this also a vacation?  Not really!  We are traveling to CO for intense daily therapy.  Yes, we will be in an incredibly beautiful location.  Yes, we might possibly be able to see some of the beauty and check out a few fun places, but this is not our focus.  I spent about 20 minutes one night looking up fun things to do.  I discovered there are many.  Each might overwhelm and cause stress so we will just see how things go. 

Where are you all staying?  Ready for an incredible God story.  Two states and over ten years ago when Brandon and I were falling in love, we went to church with this sweet little family.  They have now grown to a sweet large family and have relocated to Colorado.  Their sweet family sent a Christmas card and mentioned they had room to host guests.  I wrote them a note about our travels and gave them an out... but they went for it.  Actually, this family doesn't quite have the space, but the sweet mom's parents who happen to live there as well are going to open up their home to all six of us for the whole week.  We are so humbled and blessed and thankful and in awe of God's work in this.  This is such a beautiful sign of his faithfulness! 

Praying friends, will you join us in prayer as we travel?

Please Pray-

~God to be Glorified through our words and actions and interactions and struggles and blessings.  May He gain glory for it all!

~Safety: As we travel far with little ones pray for safe van rides, for daily rides to Dr. Tinker's office, for all the travel there.  Weather has been crazy so pray for protection with that as well.

~Joy: Pray that we could continue to have joy each day no matter what happens.

~ Our hosts:  Praise God for their hospitality and pray that we will be a blessing to them. 

~ HEALING: Pray that M and T would have successful reprogramming and we would see great steps to healing. 

~The Holy Spirit to intercede and meet our needs in the moment.  There is so much I don't share, but God knows, so please pray!

Stay tuned for the "after" post... and maybe a "during" post, we will see!