January 14th was a hard day...

The day started out so well... T made a bracelet for Brandon and all was right with the world.

 

T: Do you like it dad?

 

 

Our snowman as barely hanging on... he fell that night.

 

The afternoon wasn't too bad either.  T did ask me if I we had any empty photo albums around the house or if I could buy her one next time I went to the store.  At first I didn't think anything of it. T and I played some hide and seek.  She is an incredible hider. 

Can you spot her?  Here let me zoom in...

There she is, under the stack of folding chairs.

*This is a bit intense.  I  think that it is good to preserve this story for T, and it could be helpful for others.  Thankfully it has a safe ending. Yes, we have had runaway stories before, but this one was more intense. 

 

That evening T was talking about cute pictures of my childhood cats and other animals.  I said something like, "You would never take my photos out of photo albums, would you?"  She got very quiet and then wanted me to come with her.  She took me into her room and presented me with 100's of photos she had taken out of all my childhood albums.  None of the photos had labels or dates.  Most of them contained a picture of a pet or an animal at the zoo.  Some of them were me in a prom dress or a dress for a show I was in. 

It is very hard to see just how many pictures there are here.

 

I was overwhelmed with sadness that she would do this.  I think she wanted me to yell or punish, but I didn't.  She was insisting on helping me, but I just said that I wanted to be alone while I put the photos back.  I grabbed a stack of post-its and put one on ever album page that had a missing photo.  This system ended up working out pretty well.  

While I was doing this, T was getting VERY worked up. She started to hit herself and threatened to hurt herself. She then was yelling and thrashing and very upset.  I went back to my photos and Brandon was dealing with her.  At times he left the room when he needed a break, but he was trying to calm her down.  Once while he left the room we could hear her packing and I told him that he better grab her before she runs away. 

I could hear him downstairs with her chasing her from room to room and door to door.  He stayed calm too, but she was just frantic.  Then he got her upstairs and she was kicking him repeatedly with her shoes on.  He was able to get her shoes off so he wouldn't hurt her so much.  Suddenly, she headed downstairs again and this time ran right out the back door.  Brandon thought she would stop when the sidewalk ended, but then she ran up the hill in the snow barefoot.  It was about 30 degrees outside. He took a few seconds to grab his shoes and by the time he slipped them on she was gone.  He ran out the door and up the hill and around our block and couldn't find her.  I think they were both making circle patterns in opposite ways.  Brandon called me and I joined the search and called our neighbors and went over to church and got the music team to help. When about 10 minutes had passed we decided to call the police.  M was super panicked through all of this. I wanted him to stay at home in case she came home, but he was following me.  Sometime during that time she must have come home.  I think she said she went upstairs hid under her bed. 

The note she left behind.

Once we located her we texted everyone and then notified the police.  An officer came to our house to do a report and get our information.  T didn't want to talk to him and she she only wanted to talk to her therapist. Brandon and I pieced the story together for the officer.  We learned there were five police cars looking for her.  We are so thankful for the community we live in and the care we received.

Based on the texts I sent, she was missing for about 20 minutes and probably outside for about 10 minutes.  It was one of the longest hours of my life. It wasn't until she was home and safe that all of the "what if's" really started to hit me.  I am not sure if the night left a lasting impact on her life, but it did for us.  Trauma is real.  Parenting kiddos with trauma is hard.  We must always remind our children and ourselves that we are in this together, working together to fight the trauma.  

Besides the quick action of the police, I am so thankful for so many amazing friends and neighbors who helped us look for T and who checked in on us during this time. We are so deeply blessed by their thoughtfulness.  Two of my very best friends sent me sweet pictures of little M and T the day after all of this happened.  It was randomly for them, but just what this mama heart needed.  Hopefully these pictures will brighten the end of this post as well.  Even through trials we are so blessed with great friends (and great therapists)!

These two!

 

  

I love this crew so much.  Sometimes I forget how much M LOVED the firetrucks.