Where to start... probably with telling you that this is going to get a little more real than an average Christmas letter so if you are not into that, just close the page and check back in the days to follow for lots of smiling faces and joy.
But first, our Christmas photo:
M is now in first grade. He loves school. He was laying on the floor wailing for Christmas break to be over before 10:00am on the first day of break. He is a man of routine, and the school day routine is something he has grown to love. He is still my VERY early riser. We do all has homework and reading in the morning. It is pretty tricky for his night owl mommy to be all over homework at 6:00 am, but we make it work. M is reading like crazy. He is an excellent reader and reading above grade level. This is a true miracle as Dr's told us he would surely have a lower IQ due to his early severe malnutrition. We have read almost every single Magic Tree House book (1-55) this Summer/Fall. We have fallen in love with Jack and Annie and have learned so much as they learn on their adventures. This year for Christmas M got several "I Survived" books. He has declared them the best Christmas gift ever and can't get enough. They are very engaging and another opportunity to learn history. They are not the best bedtime reading and may have caused us to stay up past 10:00 one night... not too great for an early riser like him. M still loves sports and plays them each day at recess. He isn't too interested in being a part of a team at this point. We try to offer, but not push. He is continuing to enjoy swimming lessons and will be starting level 3 in a week. He has come so far in the last year! He loved watching the Olympics and knew the names of many of the track, swimming, and gymnastic athletes. M is enjoying drawing and art for the first time ever. He also loves workbooks, and fun pack activities and would happily do them all the time.
M and I still head down to Dr. S twice a month. Therapy continues to be a much needed part of our life. This fall we added a new person to our team and M began taking two meds to help with anxiety. I have a post brewing on this topic so I will save the rest for later. Since taking the meds M has had three days (one a month) without rages, threats, yelling fake words etc. This is a big victory for him. We have a long way to go and A LOT to process, but we are working together to fight the trauma beast. School continues to be so regulating for him and we Praise God that it is a safe haven and source of joy.
T is in 4K. T actually attends class in a catholic school. She loves to tell people the name of the school she goes to and I think many people wonder if she is really going to a catholic school. She is, but isn't! Same curriculum as other locations, but catholic school building. The kids are able to use the gym and library so I think it is huge blessing for her to be in an actual school building. She loves her teachers and her friends. She is so romantic and talks about the boys in her class or on the bus with drama filled expressions and faces. She loves to ask people to be her boyfriend or to marry her. What will the teen years be like? Sigh... T is about to start her first swimming class in a week. She is very excited about this. We are strongly considering getting her into gymnastics this year, even if it means quite a drive each week. She loves Barbies, and dolls, and dress-up, changing clothes/fashion, make-up, jewelry and drawing and crafting and listening to books. She loves to sing and belted out the songs at her Christmas program with great joy. Her voice really carries.
T is taking a break from her trips to see Dr. S. We still LOVE Dr S and I truly wish we didn't have to take a break. T is having a very hard time lately. Four seems to be the year that all the trauma stuff starts to take over kiddos brains. We are seeing a lot of raging and violence. It is hard to describe and even harder to live. Right now you might be tempted to think, "Oh Shelly, all kids do that." While all children might exhibit many of the behaviors T does, it is important to look at the intensity, frequency, and longevity of her hard before making comparisons with your child. As a mama of trauma I promise you that we wish things were typical. I can also promise you that we are going to do whatever we need to do to walk with our daughter through the hard and to defeat the trauma she battles each day. Which leads me to the reason for our break from Dr S. T became eligible for in home intensive therapy. A woman comes to our home twice a week for therapy. We are just getting the hang of the new arrangement. We miss Dr. S. We are not sure how this will go. We do know that she is the ONLY counselor serving our county and she works for the only company providing in home care to our county. Because of this reason, we are trying to go with the flow and give this a little time for the best chance of success. T will also start OT at a local University this semester. We are really looking forward to that. She is getting a much needed Neuro-Psych eval done in March. This is long overdue and will be helpful as we move forward. She is also getting her first soft band hearing aid this month. It will be exciting to watch her hear in stereo for the first time ever.
Brandon and I continue to press on. We are partners in this battle. I am so thankful to be his partner and I can't imagine doing life without him. My walks and his bike rides keep us healthy emotionally and physically.
I realize this was not like a typical Christmas letter. Some might think it was way too long. I hope they stopped reading long ago haha. For those of you who pressed on, you might think I overshared. You might wonder why in the world I am sharing all this. I share because I want to be real with you all about what life looks like here. For the next month I will be sharing LOTS of happy memory photos. They are the highlight reel. If people looking at them see only smiles they may think we have figured out some way to family bliss and ease. I want to tell you we have not! Trauma tries to rain on every parade, but in the next days you will see that we don't let it! Love is bigger than fear. With each photo of love and joy you can rejoice with us. You can celebrate that moment when things were beautiful with a greater appreciation knowing it isn't always the case. I also tell you all of this so you can join us in praying for our kids and for our family. We BELIEVE that Jesus will be victorious over all this trauma. We trust that He is more than able to bring healing to their hearts and minds. We are often so weary. We would love for you to partner with us in prayer. When people let us know they are praying for us we are reminded that we are not alone. We are so thankful for our family and our church family and our friends all over the world who are praying and we trust that this is only the beginning of the beginning!!!
I am excited to look back on this post at the end of the year and see the ways that God has been faithful and to celebrate the mountains He has moved.
Happy New Year!
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